The experience of grief is two-fold. First, immediate acute pain of the loss and months afterward as you mourn the loss of someone meaningful can function as a stressor in your life. Also, grief triggers the pituitary gland at the base of the brain to produce ACTH which sends a signal to the adrenal gland to release cortisone, a stress hormone.
Unlike a temporary threat, grief is an intense, persistent stress so your body remains flooded with cortisone. That can cause your immune system to falter making you feel run down.
In the short term, a traumatized brain is bottom heavy meaning primitive areas such as the fear center are overactive adding to feelings of stress and despair. Meanwhile, higher areas of the brain are underactive. You may find it difficult to let go of minor annoyances and symptoms like increased heart rates.
However, over time the initial shock of the loss typically gives way to a deep sadness or depression. Depression can cause widespread changes across several parts of the brain including the amygdala which regulates sleep behavior and mood and the hippocampus which processes memory and regulates stress hormones.
These changes disrupt the core functions of our bodies and minds. As you grieve you may find yourself sleeping too little or too much forgetting things or being trapped in a brain fog. These feelings are difficult but the acute does not last forever. Eventually, the sadness begins to lift a little bit and then you may move on to the feelings of anger or guilt before slowly moving toward acceptance of the loss. The stage process can take about a year.
What is a Grief Brain?
Your brain is overloaded with thoughts of grief, sadness, loneliness, and many other feelings. Grief Brain affects your memory, concentration, and cognition. Your brain is focused on the feelings and symptoms of grief which leaves little room for your everyday tasks. and recognize it as a step towards healing
Symptoms of a grief brain or widow brain? Numb, depressed or foggy
I believe the term ‘widow’s fog’ is a misnomer,” says Jacob Brown, a marriage and family therapist in Corte Madera, Calif., who specializes in grief and issues surrounding older adults. “It should be called ‘griever’s fog’ or ‘trauma fog.’ It is a very common condition that occurs in men, women, and children after a significant loss or traumatic experience.”
Carla Frankoviglia, a licensed professional counselor in Kansas City, Mo., has counseled others on griever’s fog and experienced it herself when her 60-year-old husband, Steve, died of a massive stroke in 2016. “I stayed in a fog for months,” says Frankoviglia. “It started when I got the call and on my way to the hospital. It is the body’s and brain’s way of coping with the trauma. Frankoviglia says she remembers sitting outside her husband’s hospital room with doctors asking her to sign papers. “I couldn’t think clearly. I barely remember the ride to the hospital,” she says.
Components of Griever’s Fog
Jacob Brown says when grieving patients complain of being in a fog, he explains that it’s normal and has three primary components:
Emotional: You are focused on trying to understand what happened and processing your pain. The day-to-day activities of people around you seem pointless.
Neurological: A serious loss is a form of trauma. Brown cites studies involving brain scans that show a decrease in hippocampus activity following trauma, which can result in decreased memory functioning. Grievers commonly report losing items such as glasses or car keys, getting lost, and having difficulty in making decisions.
Physical: Fatigue. “The body’s response to trauma is to divert energy to healing the trauma; that includes physical, emotional, or neurological energy,” says Brown. “As a result, grievers often feel a deep sense of fatigue and lethargy.”
What Happens to the Brain After Loss?
Several regions of the brain play a role in emotion, including areas within the limbic system and prefrontal cortex. These involve emotional regulation, memory, multi-tasking, organization, and learning. When you’re grieving, a flood of neurochemicals and hormones dance around in your head. “There can be a disruption in hormones that results in specific symptoms, such as disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue, and anxiety,” says Dr. Phillips.
When those symptoms converge, your brain function takes a hit. After all, if you’re overwhelmed with grief, it stands to reason that you won’t absorb your environment the same way you would when you’re content.
Grief brain remedies - moving through grief helps you process your loss and begin to move forward over time.
Unfortunately, no magic tonic can restore your ability to function when you’re overcome with emotion. But, the following strategies may help you feel more peaceful as you find your way to a new normal.
Practice self-care. When it feels like your world is falling apart, the most important thing you can do is focus on yourself. If you take time out to eat well, exercise, and sleep, you’ll help your body and your mind recuperate from grief. Insufficient shuteye is particularly challenging to the post-grief mind. “Disrupted sleep interferes with cognition and concentration,” says Dr. Phillips. “Grief often leads to trouble sleeping, so you need to do what you can to establish a good sleep routine.”
Take a time-out. It’s appropriate – even necessary – to take some time off from work and daily responsibilities to process your grief. Every situation is unique, and there’s no set timeline for when you need to get back in the game. But it’s important to establish a reasonable timeline so your grief doesn’t run your life.
Challenge negative thought patterns. Sharing memories is healthy but ruminating on what-ifs can be mind-numbing. “It’s not just that we’re thinking about our loss, but also the situations tied to that loss,” Dr. Phillips explains. So instead of heading down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk – maybe I should have said something, maybe I should have done something, maybe it’s my fault – choose to delight in your happy memories.
Get support. If you’re struggling to think straight, and get back to your daily activities, get help. Support groups can offer valuable resources to help manage grief. People who have been where you are can share tools and strategies to help you get back to living. Brief individual counseling can also be beneficial, particularly if you are struggling to complete your normal activities and interact with loved ones.
Search for the silver lining. It’s not uncommon for grief to evolve into maladaptive thinking. With some practice, you can learn to re-frame nearly every situation to focus on the positive. “The idea is to re-frame your experience in a way that allows you to move forward with more peace,” says Dr. Phillips.
The fog passes, but it takes time,” says Brown. “One of the things you need to do is take the time to allow yourself to feel the grief. You cannot think yourself out of it,” says Brown.
Brown says depending on the person, he has seen people start to work their way out of the fog in two to three months and be functioning pretty well after six months, but it can last longer.
You can help yourself move forward. Brown suggests finding what works for you.
For example, you might want to read books on grief and resilience or recovering from trauma. Or, “Connect with a support group through hospice, your church [or other house of worship] or online,” Brown says. “Connecting with people who are supportive of you and understand your situation, and (you) being helpful to those same people in your group, can help bring you out.”
Like me, Frankoviglia is self-employed and was able to take a couple months to feel the grief and start to work her way out of it. For those who must return to work after a three-to-five-day bereavement leave, she says, don't expect too much of yourself, and ask for help from your boss and co-workers. “Your brain still hasn’t recovered, even after two months,” Frankoviglia says.
She used a combination of mindfulness, meditation, and movement to work her way out of the fog. “The brain and body are connected, so walking, running, listening to music, prayer, and meditation all helped,” says Frankoviglia. “Try to just be present in the moment and look at the flowers blooming and trees and not think about the past or the future.”
A New Path
Frankoviglia says it’s important to acknowledge that you are now on a different life path: “You have to realize things will never be the same. You have to figure out how to bring joy and happiness to your life and walk toward the sun.”
Brown agrees. “One thing that holds people back from coming out of the fog is they keep waiting for things to go back to the way they used to be,” he says. “You have to realize that you’re different, and you must understand that to move forward.”
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