I put pen to paper in my little locked journal as a young child. I would write about my days wondering what was important about writing. I remember hiding it in secret places to keep other’s eyes from my hidden thoughts.
Writing was introduced to me in a different way in during my high school years. While taking my Creative Writing class, I learned to express myself with words and soon submitted some creative writing to a publisher. No takers but it was a fun experience.
During undergraduate classes, writing seemed more about the necessity of an assignment instead of creative expression. Graduate school demanded writing critiques, exploring writing styles, and writing applications for the graduate program. I remember one moment in one of my graduate classes when a professor complimented my writing style. I was encouraged.
The next time that I dug deep into writing was when my first husband died. I began to write letters to him in my journal. I asked him questions. I expressed my grieving emotions to him concerning my anger, disappointment, and deep sadness that we would not be physically together anymore. I shared with him new experiences with our young daughters.
During this time of grief, I was not told to write. I just knew intuitively that writing was healing. Writing would bring me back to some type of normalcy.
The First Way Writing Can Heal Grief
The act of writing in response to grief serves multiple purposes. It can be a private refuge for the bereaved to express feelings that might be difficult to communicate verbally. It also stands as a historical record, offering insights into personal and collective experiences of loss. The following list highlights some of how writing has been utilized in the context of grief:
As a therapeutic tool for emotional release
To preserve memories of the deceased
As a means to share one’s grief journey with others
To explore and make meaning of the loss
The intimate relationship between writing and grieving underscores the enduring significance of journaling as a coping mechanism. It is a testament to the power of words to comfort, heal, and connect us across time.
The Second Way Writing Can Heal Grief
So, how do we do this writing thing around grief? In a research study, two groups of bereaved people were given a way to write about their grief. One was an indirect way of using a stream of consciousness which is writing what flows. The other groups had directive writing in which they were given direction about their writing content. The research found that in this particular study, the directive writing group felt better with fewer symptoms of grief, depression, and other emotions of loss.
For some of us, we ruminate in our journals. I have stacks of journals from my 20s that didn’t help me grow. It was complaining. It was moaning about why life was unfair.
Guided Journal puts the bumpers up like in bowling so we can see the grief move to growth. You don’t have to be in one camp or the other. You can have a balance.
The Third Way Writing Can Heal Grief
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. ~ William Shakespeare
Going public – sharing one's letters, poems, or other written thoughts – is an intensely personal and potentially risky experience. But not all writing has to be widely read to be valuable. Keeping a diary or writing a letter that no one but you will ever read can have a significant positive impact on the healing journey following the traumatic death of a loved one.
The idea of writing as a positive aid to healing is not a new one, but recent research has helped to confirm its value. There is an abundance of scientific evidence that suggests a link between therapeutic writing and the successful management of traumatic experiences. Less clear is exactly why scriptotherapy (the fancy word for therapeutic writing) benefits those who practice it.
The Fourth Way Writing Can Heal Grief
Here yet is another way that writing can help the grieving process. Grieving is felt in the community and among people involved with the death of a loved one. Many people want to help but they just don’t know how. Writing a grief letter could be a way to help others help you.
The grief letter is a way to utilize writing to move you toward a more healing journey with grief. It is helping others help you. This letter can help them understand you. It takes away the guessing game of grief.
It can work best when you share only immediate needs. You can tell them that there is nothing they can fix so please don’t try. People won’t be offended if you tell them exactly how to help you. They feel better when you take the guesswork out of helping you.
Kindly tell people what you need because they have no idea.
Below is a link to a grief letter and some examples of what to say in this letter to those who love you so much and want to help you but just don’t know how to help.
The Grief Letter: Relationships After Loss (5:13 to 6:50 - example of a grief letter)
How Writing Has Helped Me
Now, let’s end our time today with how writing has helped me. I have had a place to put my thoughts that did not make sense to me. The writing was like a placeholder for the events of loss and transition.
I have also noticed that there is community around a hobby such as writing. I became acquainted with others who expressed their pain with writing. These relationships carried me through some tough weekends and nights when I needed someone who was feeling similar to me.
I also noticed that the practice of writing became a hobbyist adventure to locate the best pen and paper for my writing times. It became a fun project to collect, share, and belong to something besides the pain of grief. I soon became acquainted in a deeper way with myself and others guiding me to a new person, a new self even a truer, more acquainted self.
Hello friends :) If you want to join me and other readers in exploring the world of grief from loss and transition, please sign up for my newsletter.
If you liked this post, consider reading this next. I think you'll like it ;) It's more about how to find your way after a loss.
Angela Stuart-Jackson, LPC, received her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from John Brown University. She is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Arkansas, USA. In clinical work, she enjoys working with individuals and couples.
Comentários