Several regions of the brain play a role in emotion, including areas within the limbic system and prefrontal cortex. These involve emotional regulation, memory, multi-tasking, organization, and learning. When you’re grieving, a flood of neurochemicals and hormones dance around in your head. “There can be a disruption in hormones that results in specific symptoms, such as disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue, and anxiety,” says Dr. Phillips.
When those symptoms converge, your brain function takes a hit. After all, if you’re overwhelmed with grief, it stands to reason that you won’t absorb your environment the same way you would when you’re content.
Grief Brain Remedies
Moving through grief helps you process your loss and begin to move forward over time.
Unfortunately, no magic tonic can restore your ability to function when you’re overcome with emotion. But, the following strategies may help you feel more peaceful as you find your way to a new normal:
Practice self-care. When it feels like your world is falling apart, the most important thing you can do is focus on yourself. If you take time out to eat well, exercise, and sleep, you’ll help your body and your mind recuperate from grief. Insufficient shuteye is particularly challenging to the post-grief mind. “Disrupted sleep interferes with cognition and concentration,” says Dr. Phillips. “Grief often leads to trouble sleeping, so you need to do what you can to establish a good sleep routine.”
Take a time-out. It’s appropriate – even necessary – to take some time off from work and daily responsibilities to process your grief. Every situation is unique, and there’s no set timeline for when you need to get back in the game. But it’s important to establish a reasonable timeline so your grief doesn’t run your life.
Challenge negative thought patterns. Sharing memories is healthy but ruminating on what-ifs can be mind-numbing. “It’s not just that we’re thinking about our loss, but also the situations tied to that loss,” Dr. Phillips explains. So instead of heading down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk – maybe I should have said something, maybe I should have done something, maybe it’s my fault – choose to delight in your happy memories.
Get support. If you’re struggling to think straight, and get back to your daily activities, get help. Support groups can offer valuable resources to help manage grief. People who have been where you are can share tools and strategies to help you get back to living. Brief individual counseling can also be beneficial, particularly if you are struggling to complete your normal activities and interact with loved ones.
Search for the silver lining. It’s not uncommon for grief to evolve into maladaptive thinking. With some practice, you can learn to re-frame nearly every situation to focus on the positive. “The idea is to re-frame your experience in a way that allows you to move forward with more peace,” says Dr. Phillips.
The Fog
The fog passes, but it takes time,” says Brown. “One of the things you need to do is take the time to allow yourself to feel the grief. You cannot think yourself out of it,” says Brown. Brown says depending on the person, he has seen people start to work their way out of the fog in two to three months and be functioning pretty well after six months, but it can last longer.
You can help yourself move forward. Brown suggests finding what works for you.
For example, you might want to read books on grief and resilience or recovering from trauma. Or, “Connect with a support group through hospice, your church [or other house of worship] or online,” Brown says. “Connecting with people who are supportive of you and understand your situation, and (you) being helpful to those same people in your group, can help bring you out.”
Like me, Frankoviglia is self-employed and was able to take a couple of months to feel the grief and start to work her way out of it. For those who must return to work after a three-to-five-day bereavement leave, she says, don't expect too much of yourself, and ask for help from your boss and co-workers. “Your brain still hasn’t recovered, even after two months,” Frankoviglia says. She used a combination of mindfulness, meditation, and movement to work her way out of the fog. “The brain and body are connected, so walking, running, listening to music, prayer, and meditation all helped,” says Frankoviglia. “Try to just be present in the moment and look at the flowers blooming and trees and not think about the past or the future.”
A New Path
Frankoviglia says it’s important to acknowledge that you are now on a different life path: “You have to realize things will never be the same. You have to figure out how to bring joy and happiness to your life and walk toward the sun.”
Brown agrees. “One thing that holds people back from coming out of the fog is they keep waiting for things to go back to the way they used to be,” he says. “You have to realize that you’re different, and you must understand that to move forward.”
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